Bonus Post: Challenges

    The idea for this blog post came from a conversation I was having with imaginary people about the terms our society uses for things, specifically things relating to people. Also, if you think it's weird that I was having a conversation with imaginary people, go look at the 'About The Author' page; I think I specified on there that I do this. :)

    The gist of this imaginary conversation was that I think the terms we use for "disabled" or "differently-abled" people are stupid. Those two terms imply that these people are somehow different from "the rest of us", when in reality, the only difference is in how they go about the daily processes of life. A blind person isn't 'disabled'; they merely can't see, and from what I've read, this doesn't have to diminish the quality of their life. The only thing it does is change the way they operate, such as using a cane or a guide dog. And, frankly, we all do things differently than everybody else anyway, so does it really make a difference? Basically, I believe the phrase, 'All men are created equal,' and I think it applies to everybody. 'Disabled' people face many of the same challenges of life that everybody else does. We all experience joy, pain, sorrow, fear, hope, excitement, anger, gratitude, and so on.

    From there I started thinking about challenges. What challenges do I face? What challenges do the people around me face? How do those challenges differ, and how are they yet the same?

    Some people face the challenge of severe illness, be it terminal or merely debilitating. (Yes, I admit that's... kind of an odd way of putting it.) Some people face depression and anxiety, while others lack certain attributes that everyone else would consider vital for a fulfilling life, such as sight or hearing or the ability to walk. Some people have been abused by people who should have loved them, others have been bullied at school because they were somehow different than everyone else, and more still are simply socially awkward--like me!

    God has promised that we will face no challenges that are greater than we can bear, so long as we remember to turn to Him for our strength and support. And some of us are stronger in one way or another than others. Some people can fall off a cliff and become quadriplegics, and yet go on to live happy, productive, fulfilling lives figuring out how to operate with the new way their body works, and enjoy showing off new skills and tricks for doing things on the Internet, partially because it makes them feel good, and partially because it gives hope and light to others in the same boat.

    Some of us get thrown through a loop by the simple issue of having no idea where we're going, and that is where I stand.

    See, I want to be a Christian author with a steady book output and, at the very least, enough readers that I could live off my writing if I had to. I also want to be a homeschooling mother of anywhere between two and six children (I don't think I'd stay sane if I had more than seven, as some people I know do).

    The problem I face is that neither of those things are particularly close at hand. Both are definitely long-term goals.

    While I have a book that is technically in the 'beta-read, edit, and revise' stage, the only revisions it's gotten have been, for the most part, from me alone. Of the four beta readers I enlisted last August, only one ever got back to me, because only one had the time to actually read the book. The other three had challenges and life-craziness of their own. And, technically, I'm going to have a publisher for this book... eventually. The publishing company I intend to use at this point does not yet exist. It will exist, as soon as the people starting it get everything figured out, but at this point, it's still halfway in the idea stage.

    On the other hand, I am nowhere near to becoming a mother. I'm seventeen years old, have not been on a single date, and have no interest in dating any of the guys I've seen so far. I'm not old enough to start online dating or get married anyway, and I'm not going to go about becoming a mom if I haven't gotten married first. I have an order of priorities here. (The good news is that I am going to be an aunt soon, so yay! I'm not completely baby-less! Just... you know, mostly so.)

    So I have two long-term goals that aren't happening right now. That's okay.

    The trouble is, I don't have any mid-term goals, either. At least, not ones I can pin down. I know I'm going to college, because I'm almost done taking all my GE classes and it'd be a waste of my time to have taken all these relatively boring classes and not use the credit to my benefit, but I have no idea what I want to go to college for. None of the degrees on UVU's website look very interesting or fun at all, and while there are a couple things I've been considering, I've only been doing so because they look more interesting than everything else around them. All I know right now is that I'm going to college. I have no idea what I'm studying.

    As for my short-term goals, those are a bit easier to pin down. But they're short-term. They don't plot my direction, they just keep me moving somewhere.

    Short-term goals: Take two more GE classes during Spring Semester 2024. Keep taking dance classes, improving technique, and going to competitions and performances. Go to the LTUE writing symposium in February to help improve my writing craft, and to potentially get some extra credit opportunities for the English class I'm taking this semester. Go to work a couple times a week and improve my social skills by talking to random strangers for hours. Try to save money by avoiding buying any more of the super cute animal-tracking Fahlo bracelets that have showed up in all of Thanksgiving Point's gift shops. Make sure that, while all this other stuff is going on, I'm still reading my Scriptures every night before I go to sleep (just in case you thought I could read in my sleep... 😉).

    I'm doing a lot of things. Hopefully, they're helping me improve myself as a person. And, hopefully, they'll get me somewhere I want to go. LTUE is likely to inch me closer to my dream of being a published author, and so is my coming English 2010 class. Dance is likely to keep me physically fit and healthy, so I can be attractive should I find any guys who I think I'd enjoy going out with... or something like that, because my family will attest to the fact that while I think about the way I look a lot more than I used to, I still don't really care about my appearance too much. Work earns me money, friends, and social skills, and it's a ton of fun, and all those things help move me forward in life, somehow.

    But none of that gives me direction, only purpose. I write because I enjoy it and hope to one day use it to do good in the world. I go to work and try to do good in the lives of the people I come across. I dance because it's good for me and fun. I have reasons to keep moving forward, especially since getting stuck and stopping is one of my worst fears. But I don't know where I'm going, except that I really hope I'm headed to Heaven (and that's a bit of an ultra-long-term goal), getting married, and writing books.

    I don't know where I'm going. I feel lost, sort of like in the first couple months after I got my driver's license and couldn't figure out how to get where I wanted to go because I suck at memorizing road names and remembering directions (I remember routes and landmarks, okay? I'm not good at maps or spatial awareness; I once tried to go to my local feed store to buy cowboy boots and a hat, only to drive past my destination and into the wrong city!). Only, this version of me feeling lost is one that covers basically my entire life. I keep making turns, and I keep looking for landmarks, but I don't know where I am in relation to where I want to be, nor do I know how to get on the right path to where I want to be.

    At this point, I've just got to trust that God knows where I'm going better than I do, because I'm just doing the best I can to obey all the stop signs and notice the brake lights ahead. I'm working on the micro-level turns and lane changes, and everything ahead of the turn I'm making right now is shrouded in thick fog. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing, except that I'm driving somewhere. Anywhere. Hopefully not the wrong anywhere.

    I think I'm getting somewhere useful, because the habits I'm trying to develop are ones that should take me someplace I want to go, such as reading my Scriptures every night, faithfully and without fail. Since I started this habit in September 2022, I've missed one night, and that only because I got displaced from my room for a night early on and forgot to pack my Book of Mormon with the rest of my stuff. This habit should get me somewhere. I'm gripping the Iron Rod, and I'm walking forward into the dark. But I still don't know where I am, because that's the nature of mists of darkness that obscure everything.

    So, yeah. Some people struggle with actually hard things.

    I'm just some directionless fool who doesn't know that she's passed her destination and is now driving off into the wrong city, and I say that of myself, in the most humorous, cheerful, and kindly way possible, because I have to admit that it was pretty hilarious the day I did that in the physical world. That's my struggle. I hope I never have to face anything worse. If this is what I have to deal with, I'll take it! I'd rather not have to figure out how to operate from a wheelchair, or without my sight (yet another great fear of mine; think of all the typos I'd have when writing if I couldn't see the words forming on the page!😮).

    And, really, if you want something to leave this post with that might be helpful to you, and not just a frustrated rant from me, here's a few words of encouragement:

    Whatever you're facing right now, whatever challenge you're fighting to overcome, there is a way to overcome it. God is on your side, He is helping you and supporting you and guiding you. You can keep pressing forward. You can keep up your faith and hope. You are good enough. You are loved, supported, cherished, valued. You are worth something--everything! Jesus Christ suffered and died for you. How much pain did He go through for you? That alone should tell you how much He loves you, how much He is willing to do for you, how intimately He wants to know you so He can support you better than anyone else can.

    You can do it. You are strong. And in the moments when you think the previous statement is false, rely on Christ's strength, because when man fails, He is enough. More than enough. He will come running to your aid, He will come and support you. He has already saved you. Whatever you're facing right now, you face it with Him. By your side. Right now, and always. He wants to help you. And He wants you to know Him, so that you can know all these things I'm saying right now, firsthand, no trust in plain, human, sometimes-an-idiot me necessary.

    I just say the words in these last two paragraphs. Jesus Christ is the one that makes them true.

    Trust in Him. Rely on Him.

    You've got this, Friend.

    You can do it!